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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25974289">An Agent Captured</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_is_sad/pseuds/star_is_sad'>star_is_sad</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Episode: s03e21-22 Zero Hour, M/M, Minor Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios, Minor Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Nightmares, Post-Episode: s03e21-22 Zero Hour, Post-Star Wars: Rebels, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Star Wars: Rebels, Reminiscing, Rescue Missions, Torture</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:34:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25974289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_is_sad/pseuds/star_is_sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Agent Kallus is exposed as Fulcrum, Thrawn makes an example out of the defector, seeing how far he can push that ISB training.</p><p>In other words, Alexsandr Kallus has a lot of time to think about the actions which have led him up to this point.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Misplaced Judgement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thrawn pushes Alexsandr Kallus to his limit after discovering the man is the spy they were looking for. </p><p>Kallus reflects on his own actions.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kallus had known that Thrawn was an exceptional fighter, he remembered back to the day when he’d caught a glance at the Chiss while he was sparring with his droids, yet that didn't deter Kallus from putting up his best fight against the Grand Admiral now. </p><p>The former ISB Agent used everything he’d learned in his training, yet that wouldn't be enough against Thrawn. The man was a military master, a strategy specialist, Kallus hardly stood a chance. </p><p>The other was right, in this situation he was limited by his own education. A couple good kicks to his previously broken leg, a final one to his midsection and ultimately he was defeated in combat by Thrawn. </p><p>Kallus struggled as the Death Troopers secured his arms, dragging him back into the space he’d been using to send out his Fulcrum transmissions. </p><p>It hadn’t taken long for the Troopers to bind his hands above his head, securing them to a metal pipe. Kallus wouldn't let his nerves show on his face, but he had a good idea where Thrawn was likely to take this. In the Imperial Security Bureau, he’d been trained to withstand a large array of tourture methods on the off chance he, or any other agent, were captured. However, he wasn't going to sell out the Rebels, not now, even if it cost him his life. </p><p>Kallus was surprised when Thrawn didn't say anything for a few moments, almost as if the Grand Admiral had listened when the spy had told him he talked too much. Surely this was an intimidation tactic, one Kallus had no intention to have work on him. Not that he had to with what came next. </p><p>A gentle and calm nod from Thrawn was all it took for the Death Troopers to spring back into action. A fist suddenly connected with his jaw, then another to his mouth, then another to the eye. It didn't stop there, a new flurry of blows focused onto his midsection, already sore from where Thrawn had landed his final kick, knocking the breath out of him.</p><p>When the attack was called off, Kallus made sure not to show any signs of weakness, despite the already darkening eye and bloody lip which he couldn't help. He noticed the strand of hair which now dangled in front of his eyes, and despite the bigger problem around him, it bothered the former Agent to no end that he couldn't tuck it back into place. </p><p>Things only seemed to get worse from that moment. Kallus had thought by getting his message out there to the Rebels, despite how short it was, they’d be in better hands. However, he was very wrong. </p><p>Kallus had only given Thrawn the last part of the piece he needed to bring the group of Rebels down, their base. It took no torture, no beatings, just one foolish mistake. The Agent hung his head and remained silent, feeling a wash of shame and failure rush over him. He couldn't believe he’d let this happen, and prayed that his message had been enough to warn the Rebels into action. <br/>When dragged onto the bridge of Thrawn's Star Destroyer, Kallus no doubtedly believed the Grand Admiral just wanted him to suffer and watch these people he’d risked his life for perish. They’d managed to take out Konstantine’s ship, which had turned the tide in the Rebel’s favour, at least to allow them to retreat to their base, not that it was any better. Thrawn was going down there himself, and Kallus knew more than anyone that the other man got results.</p><p>Before the Grand Admiral left, the red eyes locked onto Kallus’ hazel ones, the stare feeling like it could kill him outright, and that's what the former Agent believed was to happen to him next, so when the order was given to put him in a cell, it came as a surprise. This wasn't protocol, traitors were supposed to be killed on site. Kallus could only assume Thrawn wasn't done with him yet, and that thought truly made him nervous. </p><p>*</p><p>Kallus had kept count of the amount of days he’d been locked in his cell, that being one of the things they were told to do in the ISB if they were ever captured to avoid insanity. It was hard to tell the time with the lack of windows or sunlight, but by his own bodily clock, and tracking the Storm Trooper patroles, he was able to calculate it had likely been four days.</p><p>Four days with minimal food and water, with minimal contact with anyone. Kallus didn't know what had happened with the Rebels, but hoped the fact that Thrawn hadn't been to visit yet was a good sign. He knew that the group were resilient, and always seemed to pull victories out of thin air, he hoped this was one of those times. </p><p>They’d managed to do it many times back when Kallus was fighting them himself. Back when his only goal was wanting to capture the Rebels and have the head of that Lasat, Garazeb. That was the furthest thing from what Kallus wanted now. </p><p>So wrapped up in what the Lasat from Saw Gerrera’s crew had done to him, to his men, that he’d let his anger consume him. Even now, the former Agent felt the guilt of his actions on Lasan, and he wished he could undo what had been done. After meeting Zeb, it put things into perspective for him, it opened his eyes. </p><p>He’d participated in the genocide on Lasan, whether he knew things were going to turn out that way or not, he didnt forgive himself, and he wasnt sure he ever would, not after the kindness the Lasat had shown him on Bahryn. Garazeb was a man of honour, and he proved that to Kallus, and Kallus hoped he’d done the same through his actions as Fulcrum to the other, he just hoped it was enough.</p><p>His train of thought was cut off as the durasteel doors slid open, revealing Thrawn stood tall behind them. Kallus felt his stomach drop, he’d hoped maybe the Chiss had come to a grizzly end, perhaps with a blaster or a lightsaber, but evidently that wasn't the case. </p><p>“Agent Kallus.” The man's dark voice began as he descended the steps into his cell, followed by two more Death Troopers. “I see you are taking to your new surroundings well.” Thrawn continued to which Kallus released a huff of a laugh.</p><p>“Yes, they are wonderful.” He responded sarcastically. The other man did not respond to that, merely gesturing for the Troopers to move, and move they did. Kallus expected a continuing of the beating he received, though that didn't come. </p><p>Instead, the black clad Troopers cuffed the Agent’s hands behind his back, pulling the man up to his feet. Kallus tried not to let the pain in his previously broken leg bother him, and kept his weight on his good leg, though he suspected that Thrawn knew about his previous injury. The way the man had targeted the bum leg during their fight was proof of that.</p><p>“I’m afraid you will be moving cells, to one which is much more equipped for a man like yourself.” Thrawn spoke once more. Kallus did not like the sound of that. The Agent watched as Thrawn turned and began walking out, the Troopers leading Kallus out too with a rough push, though kept a tight hold of him. </p><p>The man's mind was working in hyperspeed to try and figure out a plan of escape. This could be his only chance. If this had just been himself and two Stormtroopers, he’d have made easy work of them, even with his hand bound. But not only were there two Death Troopers at either side of him, Thrawn was also in front, and the Chiss had already proven he could best him in combat. </p><p>Kallus quickly recognised where he was being taken to, and he felt a twisting in his gut. The interrogation cells, though the word ‘interrogation’ was used loosely, and could easily be swapped out for torture. </p><p>They soon stopped outside of a large durasteel door, one larger than the previous cell door. Thrawn pressed a few buttons and it opened, the Grand Admiral stepping aside to allow Kallus and the Troopers to enter first. The man's eyes landed on the interrogation chair, and without a moment of hesitation was ushered over to it, and promptly strapped in. </p><p>Once firmly secure, the Troopers stepped back, allowing Thrawn to come closer. Kallus kept a calm face, relying on every part of his ISB training to get him through this. “Comfortable?” Thrawn asked lowly, Kallus responding with a shake of his head. </p><p>“Not particularly.” He replied, voice collected. Kallus had been thinking, if the Rebels had lost, surly Thrawn would have no more use for him. “I take it you lost then?” The former Agent asked, not sure if the other man would answer his question or not.</p><p>“Noone wins or loses until the war comes to an end.” Thrawn replied to which Kallus rolled his eyes. The Rebels had gotten away then, at least that was some comfort.</p><p>“Then what do you want from me? You know where their base is, there's nothing more I could possibly give you.” He said. That wasn't exactly true, he knew many things about the group of Rebels, things Thrawn would probably find useful, but Kallus would rather die before selling out the group. </p><p>Kallus watched the small smirk make its way onto Thrawn's face, clearly the man had something planned. “We have never had the pleasure of capturing an ISB Agent defector before. I intend to put this opportunity to good use.” The man spoke, the interrogation droid beside him seemingly coming to life. </p><p>“I’m well aware that in the Imperial Security Bureau, they train their agents to be able to withstand the most excruciating methods of torture imaginable.” Thrawn spoke in his long, drawn out voice. “I want to put that training up to the test. See if there needs to be any improvements to the current training regime.” </p><p>“I have nothing else to tell you.” Kallus responded, not wanting to appear shaken at all. “I have no more information, you are wasting your time.” He continued to protest. He wasn't sure if that would give Thrawn all the more reason to kill him, but it wasn't as if Kallus held a lot of hope that the Rebels would stage a rescue for him, they most likely assumed he was already dead after his final transmission. </p><p>Thrawn let out a hum, in thought. “Perhaps you don't have any more information to give me, but I find that very unlikely.” He spoke calmly. “In the case you do not, then I’m afraid this will be a very long and unpleasant punishment for your treachery.” </p><p>Kallus did not doubt that. He felt his hands instinctively ball into fists as the interrogation droid made its approach, Thrawn's wicked eyes on him the whole time. He wouldn't break, he couldn't. </p><p>*</p><p>Kallus was now on day six, or at least that’s what he’d guess. For a majority of that first day in the interrogation cell, they’d pumped him full of whatever drug they thought would make him talk. He’d grown a bit of an intolerance through his academy training, though that isn't to say there was no effect at all. It was disorientating mostly. That coupled with the regular beatings and aggressive questioning, had taken him out of it. </p><p>Today hadn't been much better. Thrawn had been questioning him as to why he defected, what the catalyst was that started the chain of events. Kallus had no intentions of elaborating. To his knowledge, the only people who truly knew what took place on that moon was himself and Garazeb, and he wanted to keep it that way. </p><p>The conversation then took a turn between himself and the Chiss. “You certainly have a strong will, Agent Kallus.” Thrawn drawled out, taking a few more steps closer to the bound man. “Especially to protect people you’ve committed many atrocities against.” That stung, Kallus thought to himself, but ultimately kept his mouth shut.</p><p>“The Butcher of Lasan.” Thrawn then spoke, the title itself making Kallus sick to his stomach. The glare he then gave Thrawn caused the other man to smirk knowingly, seemingly having gotten his intended effect. “That’s what they called you, wasn't it?” He questioned which only made Kallus lower his head in shame. </p><p>There had been a time where he wore that title with pride, a time when he’d lie to himself about what he truly wanted, who he wanted to be. He had never wanted what happened on Lasan, to the Lasat people, even after what Saw Gerrera’s mercenary did to him. </p><p>“It was you who gave the order to use the T-7 Ion Disruptors.” Thrawn spoke matter of factly. The other man already knew all of this, and was just using it to break Kallus down, the former agent knew that. “You gave the order to decimate Lasan and the people on that planet.” </p><p>Kallus nodded in response, owning up to what he had done. “Yes.” He replied simply, eyes moving to look back to Thrawn. “And I regret my actions every day.” He continued, wanting the Grand Admiral to know he hated every part of what the Empire made him do. </p><p>“You want to atone.” Thrawn replied with an amused smirk. Kallus almost felt like he’d said too much without saying anything at all. “You feel guilt, shame, anger, for what you've done, and you believe the only way to make that go away is by gaining favour and forgiveness from the Rebels you've hurt so many times.” </p><p>Kallus hated how Thrawn could practically read him like a book. “Do you truly believe their Lasat, Captain Garazeb Orrelious, could forgive you for what you did?” He asked, to which Kallus remained silent. He thought back to when himself and the Lasat had spoken to one another about what had happened, about how Zeb had told him he’d come to terms with it. Of course, that wasn't forgiveness, but he assumed that was as much as he’d be able to get, and he was thankful for even that. </p><p>Thrawn watched the former Agents reaction, studying his face and the slight movements it made as he spoke. He was trying to gage any reaction he could, and it seemed his own theory was confirmed. “I believe the catalyst of your treacherous behaviour developed from a meeting of some kind with one of these Rebels.” He elaborated.</p><p>“And how did you come to that conclusion?” Kallus asked, voice neither confirming nor denying that Grand Admirals assumption. </p><p>Thrawn then looked down to Kallus’ bad leg, which made the former agent quite uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted was for the pain to flare up in his weakened limb once more. “You broke your leg in pursuit of Captain Orrelious, correct?” Thrawn asked, only sparking more internal anger in Kallus that the other man was on the right trail.</p><p>“You both crash landed on the Geonosian moon Bahryn, and you were unable to capture the Lasat in your injured state.” Thrawn continued. “That is what it says in your report, Agent Kallus, despite the inconsistencies.” <br/>Kallus wasn't surprised that Thrawn had managed to pick apart the story in the report he’d written. At the time, he’d thought he’d managed to get away with it, but now, he assumed the Admiral suspected all along. </p><p>“We tracked down where the escape pod had landed, and without help there would have been no possibility of being able to get yourself out of the cave.” He explained, Kallus knowing he was already correct in his theory. “You and the Lasat worked together, and I believe during this time the seeds of doubt were planted in your mind.” </p><p>“The doubt was always there.” Kallus responded. “My eyes were just opened that day to what I’d purposely made myself blind to see. I refused to be your pawn anymore.” He spoke, surprised when he heard a small chuckle leave Thrawn's mouth. Kallus had never heard the other man be anything close to amused before, but it seemed like he’d said something which had done the job.</p><p>“No, you just became the pawn of the Rebels instead.” Thrawn retorted calmly. Kallus didn't believe that, the Rebels did not use people like the Empire did. “Do you really believe they would have ever accepted you as one of their own? That they weren't just using you for your information?” He continued to pry, wanting to plant his own seeds of doubt now. </p><p>“You’re wrong.” Kallus argued back. “And even if you weren't, I’m happy with what I’ve done. For the first time since joining the Empire, I am proud.” </p><p>“Then your judgment is misplaced, Agent Kallus, and you will pay for that.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading this chapter of An Agent Captured! I'm not a well versed fic author and don't usually post fics that I do write, but I enjoyed writing this and thought I would share it. </p><p>All comments and feedback are appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Precious Cargo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Unable to break the former ISB Agent, Thrawn decides to allow the people who made Agent Kallus be the ones who undo him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alexsandr Kallus had stopped counting after two months. The days seemingly began to blur into one. Thrawn visited less often. Kallus assumed the man had begun to get bored of watching him suffer. The former Agent always wondered why the Grand Admiral had kept him alive, if not to just punish him personally. </p><p>It was hard to keep dark thoughts out of your mind when you’re constantly trapped in a cell days on end. Kallus had begun to think about how useful he really was to Thrawn, and maybe the man would finally get rid of him if he no longer had a purpose. He wasn't sure what would be worse, dying in the hands of the Empire, or continue to be tortured by them. </p><p>He didn't have much hope of a rescue from the Rebels, not now. It had been too long, if they had known he was alive, they would have tried to rescue him by now, at least that’s what he had hoped.</p><p>The Agent remembered back to when the Jedi boy, Ezra, had actually come to retrieve him when they suspected Thrawn was becoming aware of who the spy was. He had never expected them to care, or to try and save him from the Empire's grip after all he’d done, yet there they were, ready to help him in his hour of need. Well if that was his hour of need, this was the century. </p><p>He could feel his own hair had grown out, longer than it had since before the Imperial Academy. His facial hair had slowly been growing to that of a full beard, he wasn't sure if he’d even be able to recognise himself in the mirror. That paired with the scars and bruises which littered his body, he wasn't the same man anymore. </p><p>Every day was a new kind of pain, some he’d experienced before, some he’d never felt in his life, and he could tell Thrawn had encouraged the Troopers who carried out his dirty work to get creative. He was fairly certain his leg had been broken once more, as well as a few ribs, and most likely his nose. He’d been struggling to breathe, but couldn't tell which breakage that was down to. </p><p>Kallus didn't even look up anymore when he heard the durasteel doors to his cell open, it used too much energy, energy he didn't have with the lack of food and water he’d been given during his stay. </p><p>“Agent Kallus.” The ex-Agent heard Thrawn's voice speak as the man stepped into the cell and stood in front of his prisoner. Only then did Kallus summon the will he needed to lift his head to look back to the other man. The gaze he held was one of hatred and despise, yet Thrawn still looked unshaken and professional as ever. </p><p>“I’m afraid this will be the last meeting between the two of us.” The Grand Admiral spoke, his words being somewhat of a surprise to Kallus. Was this it? Was the man going to have him executed? </p><p>“Despite my best efforts, you appear to be a man who doesn't break. I’m impressed with your resolve, and I may have underestimated the ISB training you underwent.” Thrawn continued. “However, I’m now passing this challenge onto them. Perhaps they will be able to break one of their own better than I could.” </p><p>Kallus prided himself on how well he’d managed to keep it together while captured. He’d not allowed himself to cry once. Yes, he’d screamed till his voice had torn, but he’d never let himself break, especially in front of Thrawn. </p><p>However, hearing he’d only be moved to a new location for all of this to be started again brought him pretty damn close. Kallus didn't know if he could take this again, especially from the people who had trained him. These people knew him, and he didn't doubt they would treat him in a fashion suitable for a traitor. </p><p>As the two Death Troopers who regularly followed Thrawn into his cell made a move forward, Kallus didn't put up a fight. They unstrapped him from the interrogation chair, his weak legs unable to keep him upright and he fell to the floor with a pained grunt. The Troopers quickly grabbed his arms, pulling him to his knees before Thrawn.</p><p>Kallus’ head hung loosely down, that was until Thrawn's cold hand moved to his chin. Almost gently, the Chiss guided the former Agents eyes to look back to his, that's when the Grand Admiral leaded in close, his mouth only a few inches from Kallus’ ear. </p><p>“Don’t forget what you are, Agent Kallus. Scum.” Thrawn's words were dark and low. Maybe Kallus was starting to lose some of his sanity, but his own low chuckle left his broken throat. </p><p>“Rebel scum.” He replied to the other man. His words were hoarse, but the ex-Imperial, the ex-ISB Agent, Fulcrum, Alexsandr Kallus, he knew who he was, and for the first time in a long time he was proud of it. </p><p>Thrawn didn't seem impressed by that, but slowly stood tall once more. Without a word, the Grand Admiral left, and before Kallus had a chance to do anything else he felt a sharp prick in the side of his neck and haze come over him. It didn't take long for his vision to become black and finally he passed out.</p><p>*</p><p>When Kallus finally woke, he blinked his blurry eyes open. Soon enough his vision cleared, not that there was much to see. The three walls which were in his peripheral vision were a dark metal, and the former Agent suspected he was now on a transport heading for the Imperial Academy on Coruscant. </p><p>He was currently strapped to a cold metal chair. His own legs tied to that of the chair, his arms bound behind his back, and some type of material shoved into his mouth and tied tightly behind his head. He felt it hard to breathe, especially with the bloody state his nose was now in. It wasn't up to the Empire’s usual standards, though he was sure Thrawn didn't intend on wasting any more resources on him. </p><p>Kallus wasn't sure how long they’d been travelling for, or even if they’d set off yet. The humming of the engine suggested he was on a cargo transport, which he had to admit, was a good way of transporting a prisoner without putting a target on their backs. </p><p>The pain that was wracking through Kallus’ body at that moment was making it terribly hard to focus. A man who was usually on constant high alert at all times, now beaten so badly he could hardly think straight. He felt vulnerable, and that made him worry that in the hands of the ISB he’d break. </p><p>At this point, all the information he had on the Rebels was likely outdated, that didnt mean he was going to spill it. It was the sentiment, he wasn't going to work for the Empire again. It was about honour. Kallus wasn't a coward, nor would he give up on the people who had tried to save him once. </p><p>Kallus felt his whole body flinch at the loud bang which came outside of the cell? The container? That he was in. He heard shouting, blaster fire, and in that brief moment, hope of rescue came back to him.</p><p>*</p><p>After their battle against Thrawn, the whole crew on the Ghost and Rebel Base assumed that Fulcrum, Alexsandr Kallus, had perished. After his final transmission had been cut off, and the chaos that followed, many believed there would have been no chance for the man to make it out of there alive. Not only that, but if Kallus had made it out, why wouldn't he have contacted them? </p><p>Zeb had thought about this a lot, more than he’d care to admit. He’d lay awake at night, just thinking to himself about what had happened, about how they were unable to help their spy in time. The Lasat hated not knowing. </p><p>Despite not originally being fond of one another, Zeb had grown a liking toward the man he’d shared a night with on that frozen moon. Getting the ISB Agent to open up to him, to see a more human side to the Imperial, it opened his own eyes too. Nowadays, Zeb didn't like taking credit for recruiting Kallus as a defector, not if it ultimately led to his demise. </p><p>It had been one of those mornings where he laid in his bed, staring up to the ceiling, deep in thought. Zeb did a lot of that since their battle. He heard his comm link beep, listening to Hera request everyone make their way though for a mission debriefing. </p><p>The Lasat pulled himself out of bed, stretching his long arms over his head. Ezra was already out of their room, most likely getting something to eat before their next mission had come through. Zeb stood then and headed out into the hall, making his way through till he came to the cockpit. </p><p>Everyone was already there, ready for what Hera was about to say. “Alright everyone, this is potentially a big score for us. We’ve received intel that the Empire is sending precious cargo to Coruscant.” She started. </p><p>“Precious cargo?” Ezra inquired, “Do we have anything more to go off than that? Weapons? Prisoners?” He asked. Zebs ears peaked with interest when Ezra mentioned prisoners. It was a hell of a long shot, especially with how long it had been, but he still held out hope that Kallus was out there. </p><p>Hera shook her head in response. “No, so that means be ready for anything, including a rescue mission.” She said to them, the crew nodded in response. It didn't take them long to go in and out of hyperspace, them arriving close enough to the specific cargo ship. They’d gone over the plan many times of what they were about to do once inside.</p><p>They were going to search through the ship. Luckily for them, this ship was usually manded by droids, which should make things easier. As Hera masked the Ghost, they slowly brushed alongside the cargo ship before coming to a halt as the ships connected to one another. It was then easy for Zeb, Chopper, Kanan and Ezra to sneak aboard. Right about now he wished that Sabine was back with them, but he understood that working things out on Mandalore was a top priority for her. </p><p>Hera remained on The Ghost, ready for a quick getaway in case something went wrong, and nearly always something went wrong. </p><p>As the group started to make their way through the ship, it was easy enough to avoid detection of the patrolling droids. They only ran into trouble when they came to a certain shipping container, a rather large shipping container, with two Stormtroopers standing guard at the door. Zeb looked to the two Jedi in front of him, waiting for either one of them to say something. </p><p>“There's someone in there.” Kanan spoke, voice calm. “They’re hurt, pretty badly too.” He continued. Zeb didn't let that get his hopes up, whoever was in there needed their help, even if it wasn't the former ISB Agent. </p><p>“Me and Kanan will distract the guards. Zeb and Chopper, you work on getting that door open and whoever is inside out.” Ezra spoke. Zeb had to admit, the kid had come into his own when it came to leadership. Not anymore did he feel strange about taking orders from a kid, he trusted Ezra and his judgment. </p><p>The team then kicked into action, he watched from around the corner as Kanan and Ezra moved. He watched as the Jedi lured the two guards away from the container by making noises, giving the leeway for Zeb and Chopper to make their move. </p><p>“Come on, Chopper. We don’t have all day. Get the damn thing open.” Zeb said to the droid, getting a few annoyed beeps back in response before the droid began to unlock the door. Zeb held his bo-rifle in his hands, looking around incase of any more interruptions. Of course, that’s what they got. </p><p>Both he and Chopper flinched at the loud bang that came from where Kanen and Ezra had led the Troopers to. How could two Jedi make such a mess of disposing of two guards?! </p><p>Zeb couldn't think about that right now, he had to focus on their task, hopefully the sound would have drawn anyone else present on this damn ship away from them. As Chopper finally got the door open, the droid beeped an affirmative sound. The Lasat was quick to push open the mental door, light from outside spilling into the dark container. </p><p>Zeb felt his heart ache in his chest as he saw the other man. He’d almost didn’t recognized him, if not for what was left of the ISB uniform he still wore. Multiple parts of his body were soaked in blood, covered in cuts and bruises, and that was just looking at the bits of skin that weren't covered by his clothing.  </p><p>The Lasat was quickly snapped out of his train of thought by the surprised beeping of Chopper by his side. Right, they had to get him out of here, now. </p><p>It took a few moments for Kallus’ eyes to adjust to the bright light which spilled into the container. He saw the tall figure at first, just the outline. It couldn't be, not here, how would he have known. </p><p>Soon enough Zeb was making his way forward in a hurry, the sounds of commotion still going on outside. As the Lasat made his way closer, Kallus’ eyes made out the shades of purple fur and a familiar face. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, he almost didn't, believing he’d finally snapped and started envisioning things. Those thoughts quickly went out of the window when the others' large hands moved to the gag around his mouth, removing it. </p><p>When Zeb looked Zallus over from a closer distance, it was clear to see that the man was out of it. He couldn't even begin to comprehend the treatment he’d gone through in all that time since the battle. “Kallus... Kal! Can you hear me?” Zeb spoke clearly, wanting to gage just how badly the former Agent was hurt.</p><p>His mouth was dry and his throat was raw from all of the screaming, but Kallus looked back to the Lasat, a weak smile coming to his face. “Garazeb?” He asked, confused, but he was there, Zeb was there.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m here.” He confirmed. “We’re going to get you out of here, alright?” Zeb spoke, beginning to untie the man's legs from the chair as Chopper cut through the bonds around his arms. Kallus nodded weakly, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that they had actually come for him, they were rescuing him.</p><p>Once he was free of his confines, Zeb tried to haul Kallus up to his feet, only for the man's legs to give out with a pained grunt. “I’m going to have to carry you.” Zeb spoke before sweeping up the man’s legs and held him in his arms. He’d lost weight since the last time Zeb had picked him up, no doubt from the cruel treatment of the Empire. Kallus did not protest, not that he had the energy to do so anyways. </p><p>Zeb grabbed his comm, holding down the button as he spoke. “This is Spectre four, I’ve got him! Get back to the ship, we're on our way.” He spoke before he started running back in the direction of their ship, Chopper speeding alongside them. </p><p>Despite the commotion that was going on around them, this was the safest Kallus had felt in a long time. Now in the Lasat’s arms, he felt free from Thrawn, and free of the Empire. The former ISB Agent could hardly tell what was happening, just heard the shouting in his muffled ears, but the words did not register. </p><p>“Is that Kallus?” </p><p>“We need to get him back to base now!” </p><p>“What the Hell happened to him?”</p><p>Kallus couldn't tell who was saying what, but assumed they had made it onto the crew’s ship, The Ghost. The ship that had evaded his capture and destruction many times, now he was finally onboard. A small grunt left the man's mouth as Zeb laid him down, his body still rattled with pain, and being moved around like that for the first time in a long time certainly didn't help. </p><p>“It’s alright, you're with us now. You're safe.” He heard a voice speak. Garazeb, it was his voice. The ex-Agent forced his eyes open and looked up to the Lasat sitting by his side. Kallus slowly opened his mouth, despite the raw pain in his throat, he choked out two words.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>After that, our boy is finally safe, but hardly unscathed. </p><p>Luckily he's got new friends to help him through the struggles he's facing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Stages of Recovery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Now back in the safety of the new rebel base on Yavin 4, Kallus is on the slow road to recovery, luckily he has new friends to help him along the way.</p>
<p>Zeb, Hera and Kanan take their turn in helping Kallus adapt to his new surroundings and slowly become himself again.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning! There is a depiction of a Panic Attack and of PTSD.</p>
<p>This is a long one folks, strap yourselves in!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Kallus woke up next he was in a bed, white sheets, white pillows, everything was clinically white. He was out of his ISB uniform, and he felt glad for it, now dressed in a medbay gown. He felt clean, more like himself, that’s not to say he wasn't still in pain, but it was bearable. </p>
<p>He felt a lot more grounded right now. No longer dazed and confused, he was able to look around the small room and determined this must have been the medbay on the Rebels new base. The memories of his rescuers came back in floods, being carried by Zeb, the concern in the crew's voice as they had asked questions. They had rescued him. </p>
<p>Kallus’ eyes wondered about the room, stopping on the glass of water on the table beside his bed. He was thirsty, his throat still sore and he could use a drink. With a small grunt of pain, the man reached out with his hand, it shaking uncontrollably. He kept his focus on the task, ignoring the way his hand moved. It had never been like this before. </p>
<p>The ex-Agent forced himself to grasp the glass in hand before going to pick it up. His grip failed, however, causing the glass to drop to the floor and shatter. </p>
<p>Kallus didn't know what was happening to him, but when the sound of the shattering hit his ears, it felt as though he was unable to breathe. His hand came up to his chest, gripping at the fabric as though it was suffocating him. He felt like he was dying in that moment, he couldn't explain it, he’d felt nothing like it in his life. </p>
<p>Little did Kallus know, Zeb had been waiting either in or close by to Kallus’ room since they’d arrived. He almost felt responsible for what had happened to the former Imperial. If Zeb had never recruited him, this would have never happened, even if he hadn't meant to recruit him on purpose. </p>
<p>When the Lasat heard the smashing of glass from inside Kallus’ room, he let out a ‘Karabast’ under his breath before rushing back. When he saw the man in his bed, almost gasping for air, Zeb made his way over to the bedside, making sure not to step on any of the descared glass. </p>
<p>“Kal, it’s Zeb. Look at me, you're alright. It’s safe.” He spoke calmly, though he was unnerved by the man's panicked state. Kallus shook his head in response, grip tightening where he was holding the front of the gown. </p>
<p>“I-I can’t” He panted out, eyes looking away from Zeb, almost ashamed of what was happening to him. “I can’t breathe.” Kallus managed to get out this time. Zeb placed his large, four fingered hand over the other man's chest, letting him know he was there to help. </p>
<p>“You can. Just focus on me.” Zeb said, and reluctantly Kallus looked back to the lasat. “Breathe with me, in and out, slowly.” He commanded before starting to breathe alongside the other man. Kallus followed along, finding it hard at first with the pounding of his own heart in his ears, but slowly he found himself gaining control. He wasn't dying, he was ok. </p>
<p>As his breathing slowed, Kallus rested his head back against the pillows, eyes closing for a few moments. He released his grip from his gown, only opening his eyes once Zeb removed his hand from over his own. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Kallus spoke hoarsely, eyes looking up to the Lasat sitting by his side. He hadn't changed a bit since they’d last seen one another. He looked just as how Kallus remembered him. </p>
<p>Zeb shaked his head gently, offering the man a small smile. “You have nothing to apologise for.” he spoke softly, well, as soft as a Lasat could. “You've been through a lot. But you are safe now, away from the Empire.” He was away from the Empire, Kallus kept telling himself. Away from Thrawn. </p>
<p>Silence filled the room, as he watched Zeb get up from his seat and walk to the other end. He grabbed a new glass, filling it with water from a jug. Soon enough Zeb returned to the ex-Agents side. Kallus held his hand out eagerly for the glass, but hesitated as his hand began to shake once more. </p>
<p>Zeb noticed the hesitation and the man's hand began to shake, so placed the glass back down on the table. Kallus was about to protest before the Lasat was starting to help him sit up in bed. He grunted with the pain, but let out a small sigh as he was finally sitting up. Before he had a chance to do anything else, Zeb was already picking up the glass once more and held it up to the Agents lips. </p>
<p>“Here, drink.” Zeb spoke, to which Kallus obliged. He felt the gentle Lasat’s hand on the back of his head, carefully propping him up. Kriff, the water felt good going down. It had been a long time since he’d had anything close to this amount of water, it was a miracle he hadn't died of dehydration. </p>
<p>Kallus would have drank the whole lot if it wasn't for Zeb pulling the glass away. It was probably for his own good, he’d need to pace himself if he was going to get better fast. </p>
<p>“Thank you.” Kallus said, voice less croaky now. He was thankful that the other was there to help him, especially with what had just happened a few moments previously. He hoped that that’d be a one time deal, just a little shaken up from everything that he’d been through, that it wouldn't happen again. </p>
<p>“No problem.” Zeb replied, taking a seat beside the man's bed. “How are you feeling?” He asked, knowing it was probably a stupid question. Kallus looked a Hell of a lot better than when Zeb had found him, so that was at least a good sign. </p>
<p>“Better.” Kallus responded, though obviously the pain was still there in most parts of his body. “Do you know how bad the damage is?” he asked, curious as to a rundown of how badly Thrawn had managed to roughen him up. At the question, Zeb got up, grabbing the sheet of paper hanging from the bag at the front of Kallus’ bed. </p>
<p>Zeb scanned over the list of injuries, before looking back up to the other man. “The most serious is that leg of yours again.” He said calmly. “Broken, you’ll need to stay off it for a few weeks while it heals.” Kallus glanced down to his leg under the covers. It felt like there was already some kind of cast or brace on it already, giving some support and pain relief. </p>
<p>Kallus listened as Zeb continued to read off the list of extensive injuries. Most of them were superficial, and looked a lot worse than they felt, that wasn't to say they didn't feel awful too. </p>
<p>After a few moments of thought, Kallus turned his head to look back to the Lasat. “How long?” He asked, voice quieter now. “How long was I gone, I mean. From when Thrawn attacked the base? I stopped counting after two months.” He elaborated further. A look of surprise came to Zebs face, a pang of sympathy for the man washing over him.</p>
<p>“Kal, it’s been five months.” He spoke slowly, not wanting Kallus to start panicking once more. The ex-Agent almost didn't believe it when those words left the others mouth. Five months. Five months of non stop tourture, he was shocked he wasn't dead right now. </p>
<p>Evidently, the lack of response from the human was beginning to worry Zeb, so the Lasat placed his hand over Kallus’ once more. “Hey, it’s alright. You’re here now, you never have to go through that again.” Zeb tried to reassure the other man. Kallus took a deep breath and nodded gently, looking back at the rebel, a thankful smile coming to his face. </p>
<p>“Thank you, for getting me out of there, Garazeb.” Kallus thanked the other once more, needing him to know just how grateful he truly was. Being with Thrawn was bad enough, but he couldn't have handled being back in the hands of those who trained him.</p>
<p>“You don't have to thank me, Kal. I’m just sorry we didn't get to you sooner.” Zeb spoke somewhat sadly. He felt guilty now for assuming that Kallus was dead for even a moment. The man had been through so much, if only they had gone looking, maybe they could have found him, maybe they could have saved him from the harsh treatment he’d gone through. </p>
<p>Kallus shook his head at that, looking back to Zeb. “Unless you were just taking a stroll through Thrawn's Star Destroyer, then I doubt you’d have been able to come get me any sooner. It’s not like you even knew I was alive.” He said, lifting a hand to run through his hair. </p>
<p>It only just occurred to him, he hadn't been able to do that since his hair had grown out. With the utmost curiosity, both hands ran through his hair, taking in how long it had grown. Zeb watched as Kallus did this, smiling more.</p>
<p>“I never thought I’d see you with long hair.” He said, glancing at the man's beard too. That’s where Kallus’ hands travelled next, seeing how much that had grown also. He didn't mind the long hair as much, but the beard had to go as soon as possible, or trimmed at least. </p>
<p>“Nor did I ever believe I would see myself with it either.” Kallus responded. Zeb took in the former Agents disgruntled face as he felt the beard which was now there, assuming the man wasn't overly fond of his new facial hair. </p>
<p>“As soon as you’re released from the medbay, I can introduce you to the Rebel who gives pretty good haircuts around here. They’d probably be able to give you a shave too, if that’s what you’re looking for?” Zeb offered with a warm smile. </p>
<p>“I appreciate the offer, Garazeb, thank you.” He said to the other. “I’ll let you know how I’m feeling once I get out of here.” Kallus spoke. Truthfully, he didn't want anyone with a razor and/or scissors near his throat at this very moment, especially a Rebel who may hold a grudge against him. After all, he had been a part of the Empire for a long time. </p>
<p>Kallus was very capable of shaving himself. He’d done so for many years on his own, and he’d rather do it himself. He didn't want to think about the recent shakiness of his hands, and just hoped that it wasn't a permanent side-effect from the past five months.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Progress for Kallus over the next few weeks was slow, painful, exhausting, and most of all, frustrating. He was thankful for Zeb, and the rest of the Ghost crew for being patient with him, and allowing him his time till he was ready to speak about what had happened. </p>
<p>He was put before Alliance High Command, where they would decide what they would do with the man who was once an ISB Agent for the Empire. In the end, they had decided there would be no punishment for his previous actions, as they acknowledged the change in the man and the sacrifices he had made. He had to admit, he was more than relieved. Kallus didn't believe he could stand to be in a cell of any kind ever again. </p>
<p>His leg was beginning to heal, slowly but surely. Zeb had given him a cane to help with the injury while walking, an offer he would have usually declined just to save face. The last thing<br/>
he wanted people to think about him was that he was weak, but he felt like he didn't need to worry about that on the Rebel base. Pretty much everyone had known what he had been through, what he’d risked for them, the punishment which he’d taken for it. Kallus’ reputation seemed to be the least of his worries right about now. </p>
<p>The former Agent hadn't expected the warmest of welcomes, yet the Ghost Crew had treated him like one of their own. They all had seen him when he had been rescued, the state he was in, and they all saw him now, trying to recover from what he’d been through. </p>
<p>Kallus had been somewhat hesitant to talk with other members of the Ghost Crew, other than Zeb. For most of them, their only previous meetings had been when Kallus was an Agent and had been trying to kill them. He wasn't that man anymore, and they could see that. </p>
<p>One night on the Ghost, after most of the crew had retired to their cabin, Kallus remained seated in the cockpit, just gazing out of the window. They had no mission, they were still on base, but it felt nice to be able to sit in the seats of a ship that had evaded him for years. </p>
<p>“You’re up late.” A voice snapped him out of his train of thought. He spun around in the co-pilot's seat to face Hera. She had a warm smile on her face, one that brought a warmness to his chest. Kallus nodded in response. </p>
<p>“I just needed some time alone to think.” He replied softly. That was partly true, though Kallus found it difficult to sleep most nights, so put off the idea of getting rest till he absolutely had to. Since Sabine was yet to return from Mandalore, Ezra had moved into her cabin, and Kallus had begun sharing a room with Garazeb. He didn't mind sharing a room with the Lasat at all, he was just happy to have somewhere to stay. </p>
<p>However, he knew that Zeb had noticed that his night terrors were getting the better of him. He wouldn't be surprised if the Jedi somehow knew too. The last thing he wanted was to be a burden on these people, the people who had rescued him from certain death, and a fate almost worse than that. </p>
<p>Hera made her way forward then, taking a seat in her regular pilots chair before looking back to the other man. “We’re glad to have you on board, you know?” She said to him, almost like she was able to read his mind. Kallus smiled weakly at this, looking back to her.</p>
<p>“And I’m grateful to be aboard, especially after everything I've done to you and your friends.” Kallus replied. It was obvious this man still felt guilty, even after everything he's done to try and ‘atone’, as Thrawn put it. He was hoping that would have been an easy solution to his problem, but nothing was that easy. </p>
<p>“What about everything you've done for me and my friends, and for everyone else on this base?” Hera questioned. Hera saw through his words, saw the guilt and pain in Kallus’ eyes, the same thing she’d seen many times before. Kallus looked away at that, staring down to his hands in his lap.<br/>
“Do you honestly believe that it is enough?” He asked her quietly. Kallus didn't. He didn't think he’d be able to truly forgive himself till after the war was over, knowing that so many things that happened were because of him. The former Agent looked up in surprise then when he felt the gentle hand on his arm. </p>
<p>“I believe that it's more than enough.” Hera replied honestly. “As do many people on this base. Actually, I think the only person who doesn't believe that is you.” Kallus didn't know how to respond to that. He couldn't speak for the people on this base, but he could for himself, and she was right. When Kallus did not respond, Hera spoke once more. </p>
<p>“Once you learn to forgive yourself, you’ll be free.” She said gently. The words impacted Kallus more than she would ever know, and he nodded his head gently. There had been something bothering him since he’d arrived on the new Rebel base, something he needed to get off of his chest.</p>
<p>“Hera, there’s something I need to tell you.” He started off quietly. Kallus paused for a few moments, seeing that the woman had remained silent to allow him his time to speak. “The day that Thrawn attacked the base, the day that I sent my last transmission, I told you all that Thrawn knew something.” He started.</p>
<p>“From what I have gathered, you all interpreted that as he had found your base.” Kallus spoke, keeping his gaze away from Hara once more. “That wasn't the case. I wanted to warn you that he had discovered you were about to attack his forces on Lothal. He tried to block my transmission, but I managed to destroy the device. However, when the transmission went through, it gave Thrawn the final piece of the puzzle that he needed to find the base.” Kallus admitted. </p>
<p>He still felt stupid, even now, that he had played right into the Grabd Admrial’s hands. “I didnt think, it was a stupid mistake, one that should have never have been made.” Kallus continued, keeping his head down once more. </p>
<p>“That’s exactly what it was, a mistake, Kallus.” Hera spoke gently. “We all make them. Do you honestly believe any of us could have known that’s what would have happened in that scenario? That we would have acted any differently?” She continued, trying to reassure him. </p>
<p>When Kallus did not respond she continued to speak. “You’re being too hard on yourself. Now I don't know if that’s part of some Empire training, or if you're just stubborn as Hell, but you’ve got to move forward.” She told him. Kallus couldn't help the weak smile that came to his face when she called him stubborn, knowing it was partly true.</p>
<p>“You won't be able to forgive yourself until you let these things go. You don't have to keep punishing yourself, you’ve already been through enough of that.” Hera told him. Kallus listened to her words, knowing some of them had gotten through. A warmer smile came to his face then and he slowly nodded. </p>
<p>“Thank you, Hera.” He said softly, meaning it. </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>That was the first meaningful encounter he had with a member of the Ghost’s Crew. The second came a few weeks later. Kallus had denied the offer once more of being introduced to the Rebel who would have given him a fresh cut and shave. He had been putting off the activity himself because his own hands had refused to stop their shaking. However, he could no longer take how long his damn beard had grown, and decided today would be the day he’d finally give himself a shave. </p>
<p>Kallus had waited till a majority of the crew were off the ship, completing odd jobs around the base for the day, before heading to the refresher on the ship. It was small, but that was a given, and it didn't bother Kallus, it had everything he needed. The man had first got a shower, trying to relax himself and his nerves. He almost felt stupid, being nervous over an activity he’d almost done on a daily in the Empire. Perhaps that was why. </p>
<p>Kallus didn't want to let what Thrawn had put him through continue to linger over him. He wanted to be able to complete simple tasks like he used to, he didn't want to be hindered by that man anymore. </p>
<p>He finally shut off the shower. Stepping out of it, Kallus kept his weight on his good leg, wrapping a towel around his waist in the process. His leg had been healing, he no longer had to use the cane while walking around the base, though the limp still remained at the moment. Zeb had expressed his concerns that Kallus had been pushing himself too quickly, that he could take his time with the recovery, but the former Agent assured him that he was alright. </p>
<p>Kallus took the few steps over to the mirror, looking at his own reflection. His now longer hair had grown to below his ears, and framed his face in a way his Empire regulation cut never did. It felt nice not having to stuff his hair full of product every day just to have it slicked down, this felt nice, it felt freeing. </p>
<p>The facial hair on the other hand was anything but freeing. Kallus looked down to the tools he’d brought into the refresher with him. Clippers and the straight razor. He picked up the clippers into his hand, looking at it for a brief moment before back to his face. This would be the easy part, Kallus thought to himself before turning them on. He was just going to take off the bulk of the hair, he decided to start and went to work.</p>
<p>The shaking of his hands didn't bother him much when he could rely on the machine to do the majority of the work. Kallus turned off the clippers once he was done, and studied his face in the mirror. He looked and felt a lot better already, and a small genuine smile came to his face. Perhaps he would be able to do this after all, Kallus told himself before looking down to the razor with a deep breath. </p>
<p>He carefully placed down the clippers and picked up the razor into his hand. The relief from a few moments ago was short lived, he found out as he raised the razor to his cheek. His hands began to shake relentlessly once more, and Kallus struggled to control them. He tried his hardest, he truly did, but his frustrations grew high and the situation ended with Kallus dropping the razor into the sink with a grunt of anger and sadness. </p>
<p>Kallus was angry. Angry at himself, at Thrawn, at the Empire, all of it for making him into a mess. He felt a dull ache in his chest, one of disappointment and shame, the same he felt after Lasan. He was unable to continue down that train of thought when he heard a knock at the refresher door. </p>
<p>“Kallus, are you in there?” He heard a voice ask, it was Kanan. “Are you alright?” The Jedi asked. He quickly stood up straight from where he was leaning against the sink, almost as if he thought the other man was able to see him. Kallus didn't understand how the force worked, yet he felt as though Kanan had the power to look deep into his soul, despite the man being unable to see. </p>
<p>“Yes, yes, I’m fine.” Kallus replied hurriedly, running a hand through his hair nervously. He didn't want Kanan to hear how frustrated he’d been a moment ago, not wanting to rope him into his issues too. “I’ll be out soon.” He told the other through the door, hoping that’d be enough to put the Jedi’s concerns to rest. </p>
<p>When Kallus didn't get a reply, he assumed Kanan had left him to it. He sighed before turning back to the mirror. This would have to wait, Kallus told himself as he began to dry himself off with the towel. Once dry, he slipped on the clothes that had been given to him by the crew when he’d arrived on base. They were actually Kanan’s old clothes, and they seemed to fit Kallus pretty well to his surprise. </p>
<p>When he was done in the refresher, he packed up the shaving tools before proceeding to press the button which slid the door open. As the door did so, Kallus practically jumped out of his skin as Kanan was still standing there, mask over his eyes and arms folded over his chest. </p>
<p>“Kriffing Hell, Kanan! Were you standing there the whole time?” He asked the other man, hand now on his own chest as he tried to regain some composure. What was the Jedi doing? “You can't see through walls, can you?” Kallus asked, half jokingly, but glancing back to the refresher as he stepped out.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” Kanan spoke, chuckling gently at the joke, but shook his head. “No, but I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something for a while now, and perhaps now is the right time.” He said, which made Kallus a bit worried as to what this could be about. Himself and Kanan don't often speak with one another, that wasn't to say that he disliked the other man, in fact he did like the Jedi, especially with the help he’d given Kallus to fit in. </p>
<p>Almost like he’d sensed Kallus’ hesitation and scepticism, Kanan elaborated. “I know you’ve been having bad dreams, and because of what happened you’ve developed tremors in your hands.” He spoke. Kallus wasn't surprised that he’d picked up on the hand tremors, even if Kanan was unable to see, the rest of the crew could. The man's knowledge of his dreams, however, did come as a surprise. </p>
<p>“How did you know that?” Kallus asked. To his own knowledge, he’d done a good job keeping them secret. He was never loud when he slept, he’d never woken Zeb while they had shared a cabin, so how did Kanan know?</p>
<p>“I can sense them, almost every night.” Kanan told him, which made Kallus feel guilty once more. He didn't want to push this onto the other man too, and if Kanan could sense them, who’s to say that Ezra is not sensing them also. “It’s like a dark cloud is following you around that you're unable to shake.” The Jedi continued. Kallus nodded gently at that analogy.</p>
<p>“That’s exactly what it's like.” he admitted to the other man. “I’m at the point where I keep myself from sleeping, because I know that when I do I’ll be back there, back with Thrawn, back in-” He stopped himself from speaking as his voice began to waver, lowering his head. </p>
<p>“I can help you.” Kanan told the ex-Agent, which caused him to lift his head and look back to the other with hope. Kallus was ready to accept any help possible at this point. </p>
<p>“How?” He asked simply, though he assumed it’d have something to do with Jedi magic and the force which he couldn't wrap his head around. Kanan approached Kallus now, placing a hand on the man's shoulder before nodding to him gently. </p>
<p>“Follow me.” he said simply. Kallus followed within an instant of Kanan asking, grabbing his jacket on the walk out of The Ghost. He shrugged it on and continued to follow the other man as he started to lead them into the woods of Yavin Four. They walked, Kallus not knowing where Kanan was taking him, but didn't bother to ask, he trusted him. After about ten minutes they came to a stop.</p>
<p>Kallus watched as Kanan slowly moved to sit onto the ground, crossing his legs and placed his hands over his knees. “Join me.” He spoke calmly, gesturing to the spot opposite the Jedi on the ground. Kallus nodded gently, slowly sinking to the ground himself, grunting slightly at the pain in his leg, but copied the way Kanan was sitting. They were about an arms reach apart, and Kallus wondered about what Kanan intended to do.</p>
<p>“As a force user, I am able to enter people's minds. Many dark side users use this technique to collect information, or to purposefully hurt a person, pry on their weaknesses, use memories against them.” Kanan spoke, being open with Kallus. “Many lightside users also use this technique to put people's minds at ease, relieve them of pain and stress.” He continued. </p>
<p>“Are you able to do that for me?” Kallus asked, the prospect of being free of the nightmares, the fear, it all sounded too good to be true. </p>
<p>“Yes, but it does not come without a cost.” Kanan warned. “You will have to be open and honest. I will not force myself into your mind, you will have to be willing to let me in, see everything. I understand this is a big ask, but I want to help you, and I assure you anything I see in there will remain between us and only us.” He promised. </p>
<p>The thought of having someone see him at his most vulnerable, every weakness and fear, it was terrifying. If it had been anyone else outside of maybe Zeb, Hera or Kanan he would have said no, but this man wanted to help him, and Kallus wanted the help. </p>
<p>Kallus nodded his head gently, looking back to the Jedi. “I understand, I want this.” He told him firmly, to which Kanan nodded too. Kallus watched as Kanan extended one of his hands, holding it open, palm facing up.</p>
<p>“Place your hand in mine and close your eyes. Keep calm.” The Jedi instructed. Kallus did as he was told, placing his own shaky hand, palm up into Kanan’s and then closed his eyes. He was nervous, though kept himself calm as the man had told him to do. A few moments later, he felt another hand rest against his temple, then it was like he’d been transported elsewhere, like he was watching as a spectator through his own body. </p>
<p>Kallus could feel the pressure against his mind, knowing it was Kanan trying, no, asking for entry. It felt strange, almost wrong to have another person see everything there was to know about him, but he trusted Kanan, and let the Jedi enter his mind. </p>
<p>At that moment, he gasped, feeling memories come flooding back. Someone was sifting through them, looking for the right ones, though Kallus didn't have a choice in what he was seeing. The first one came to a stop and began to play out fully. </p>
<p>Onderon, his first unit. No, he couldn't live through this again, but Kallus didn't have a choice. The explosion which had momentarily paralised him, the Lasat mercenary, walking through smoke and flames, taking the lives of every man on his team, one by one, and letting him live. </p>
<p>The next, the Fall of Lasan. Kallus, at that time consumed by anger and hatred, doing what he believed was right, or maybe looking for some kind of revenge or release, participating in the genocide of what he thought was an entire race. The command, the T-7 Ion Disruptors, the carnage that was left afterwards.</p>
<p>There were smaller memories too, ones that added to the pain. Bringing his former friend, a very close friend, Lieutenant Jovan, back to the Empire to be punished for being a traitor, that was ironic now. Aiding Tarkin in the torture of Kanan when they had captured him, one he felt particularly bad about now as the Jedi sifting through his mind. Burning Tarkintown to the ground after being ordered to do so by Darth Vader, instilling fear and loss into all those people.</p>
<p>Then came Thrawn, the discovery of him being Fulcrum. The shame of invertedly handing the Rebel base over to Thrawn, watching helplessly from the bridge of the Star Destroyer as they decimated Rebel ships. Being locked in that cell, tortured for days, weeks, months. The pain, every punch, kick, bruise, break, it all came flooding back like it was suffocating him. He felt trapped once more like he couldn't escape it, he couldn't do this again, he couldn't be taken to the Academy.</p>
<p>Kallus was then pulled back to reality, gasping for air. “It’s alright, Kallus. You’re back, you’re safe.” Kanan’s voice spoke, calm yet firm, trying to ground the other man once more. When he opened his eyes and looked around he was back in that forest, on Yavin Four. His cheeks were stained with tears, and he was encased in two arms. </p>
<p>“I’ve got you.” Kanan spoke gentler now, and Kallus’ breathing slowly evened out. He relaxed in the Jedi’s arms, feeling safe now, safer than he’d been in a long time. Kanan had seen everything, but a part of him felt like a weight had been taken off of his shoulders because of it.</p>
<p>The two remained in that position, Kallus wasn't sure for how long, but as his composure was regained, Kanan removed his arms, letting the other man sit back. Kallus did so, thinking about everything that had just happened before looking back to Kanan once more.</p>
<p>“Did it work?” He asked, hoping more than anything that it had. Kallus was unsure if he’d have the strength to go through all that again for a third time. He saw a smile come to Kanan’s face, and the blind man looked down to Kallus’ hands, despite wearing the mask. </p>
<p>“See for yourself.” Kanan responded. At that, Kallus looked down too, raising his hands. They weren't shaking anymore. The ex-Agent felt speechless, he couldn't fathom the words he needed in that moment so a wide smile came to his face instead. </p>
<p>“Kanan, I-I-” He started before shaking his head in disbelief. “Thank you. Not just for this, but for everything. Thank you for having me.” Kallus spoke genuinely, looking back up to the Jedi, who just smiled back to him, reaching out to place a hand on Kallus’ shoulder. </p>
<p>“Thank you, for risking everything.” Kanan responded. That meant a lot to Kallus, knowing that they appreciated what he’d gone through for them. He nodded back to Kanan, smile remaining on his face. The Jedi moved his hand then and shrugged. </p>
<p>“And hey, if this didn't work, I think you suit a beard anyway.” Kanan said with a small smirk as he stood, Kallus releasing a scoff of a laugh in return. There was certainly something amusing about a blind bearded man telling him that he suited one himself. The Jedi held his hand out for Kallus, pulling him up to his feet once it was accepted. </p>
<p>“Come on, the crew will almost be done. I’m sure you’ll want to finish with your shave before they get back.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We love our mom and dad, Hera and Kanan</p>
<p>I enjoyed writing the Kallus and Kanan scene far too much. They are now adopted brothers, I don't make the rules.</p>
<p>In the Kallus and Kanan scene, I also include a small part from the "Kallus' Hunt" comic, in which he has to arrest his former friend from the Academy, Lieutenant Jovan. I also like to think there may have been a romance between the two, but I do not divulge into this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Fighting Dirty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kallus begins training once more, though struggles to shake his old Imperial ways, perhaps a certain disorderly Jedi Padawan could help?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kallus had done as Kanan had suggested, and shaved before the crew had gotten back. It felt like a blessing to have his hands back, to have his control back. He’d picked up the razor with confidence when back onto the ship, and carved out the shape of the mutton chops which were once there. After some deliberation, Kallus also decided to keep a bit of hair in the front, it almost looked like he had a full beard. </p>
<p>Kanan also gave him a hair tie, allowing him to tie his long hair out of his face. Looking into the mirror now, Kallus felt put together for the first time since he’d been caught as Fulcrum. He felt complete again. </p>
<p>Kallus liked his new look, and as it turns out, everyone else in the crew did too. Most of his life Kallus had never cared about what others had thought of him, but hearing that these people, his new friends, liked it, that made him happy. </p>
<p>As time went on, the former Agent began to get his confidence back. However, confidence could only get you so far. Confidence could allow you to want to be able to get back out into field work, being medically cleared was another thing. Kallus’ leg was almost back to normal, only the occasional twinge or flare up here or there, but on the whole he was feeling a lot better. </p>
<p>He’d begun training again, something he hadn't realised he’d missed till he started doing once more. With the amount of weight he’d lost while being a prisoner of the Empire, Kallus had worked hard to put it back on and build up his muscle again. The former Agent enjoyed training on his own mostly, especially in the beginning. He’d practice the techniques he’d learned in the Academy, build up the strength he’d lost, and he could tell it was working. </p>
<p>The clothes that were given to him when he’d first joined the Rebels on Yavin Four were slightly loose, a bit baggy, but now Kallus had in fact grown into them. The orange shirt he wore below his jacket clung to him nicely, and certainly showed his muscle better than that damn ISB uniform ever had. </p>
<p>Right now, training on his own wasn't fulfilling the urge he had to get back into the top shape he was once in. He needed to start sparing again. </p>
<p>He’d originally asked Zeb, knowing he and the Lasat had fought many times before and that he had given Kallus some of the most intense back and forths of his life. But when it came down to them sparring again now, he could tell that the other was going easy on him. It had been frustrating to say the least. They weren't even using weapons, just hand to hand combat, yet the Lasat had not deemed Kallus ready enough yet.</p>
<p>One day when the majority of the Ghost crew were away on a mission, Kallus was obviously made to stay on base. He hated being left, especially when he knew he was ready to get back out there and help the Rebellion. As it turns out, Chopper and Ezra had also been left behind for this particular mission.</p>
<p>Kallus wasn't going to lie, there had been a small amount of friction between himself and the young Jedi. Yes, Bridger had tried to come to his rescue once, and Kallus was grateful for that, but the two of them were very different people. Kallus’ whole life had revolved around order and discipline, two things Ezra severely lacked, if you asked him. </p>
<p>He’d been warned as soon as he’d joined the crew by Zeb that Bridger could be mischievous, and down right annoying at times. Kallus almost didn't believe him at first till he’d experienced some of that behaviour himself. They may have not been directed at him, but most of these ‘pranks’ were aimed at Zeb, and took place in Zeb’s cabin, which he now shared with Zeb.</p>
<p>Most of these ended with the Lasat angrily going to find Ezra, while Kallus cleaned up whatever mess had been left this time. The former Agent was sure that the boy was just waiting for him to settle in enough before he sprung a trap for him too. </p>
<p>Well, he hoped that day wasn't today, as he did want to get some training accomplished. Usually when The Ghost was on base he’d be happy to train in the gallery, usually with a punching bag since Zeb certainly wasn't keen on the idea of sparring with him yet. However, when he was left to his own devices on the base, Kallus found himself going back to that spot in the forest where Kanan had taken him.</p>
<p>This spot meant a lot to him now. A place where every secret, fear and memory had been shared. Kallus had originally been worried that Kanan would have treated him differently after seeing every mistake he’d ever committed, but it was rather the opposite. The Jedi mostly acted like he’d seen nothing at all, and Kallus believed Kanan when the man had promised he wouldn't speak a word of it to anyone. </p>
<p>It was like many other days when he went to train in the woods. Kallus had got dressed into some more appropriate attire for training, holstered his blaster to his side, and grabbed the training staff he’d been using as of recent. The training staff was nothing compared to his old bo-rifle. Kallus had a special bond with that weapon, especially with where it came from, and it hurt to know that Thrawn now most likely had it. </p>
<p>When Kallus had got everything ready, he glanced around, not wanting anyone to come following him. Kallus was a private man for the most part, and he did appreciate being able to train alone. He started the walk through the greenery, following the same trail that Kanan had taken him down, the one he’d gone down many times since then. </p>
<p>Kallus soon came to the small clearing, and shrugged off his jacked, placing it aside on the ground. He always started with a small warm up, needing to especially with his leg, not wanting to agitate the old injury. Once he felt ready, the former Agent took the staff into his hands and began to fall into a rhythm, blocking, striking, kicking, quickly working up a sweat from the intensity. </p>
<p>He’d never taken training lightly, especially now more than ever. He was desperate to get to the shape he was once at, and even better. Kallus wasn't having nightmares anymore, but that didn't mean he did not constantly think about what would happen if he and Thrawn ever came to blows again. He couldn't lose again, he couldn't take the chance. </p>
<p>When Kallus began to get tired, he slowed down for a moment, taking a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. A frown came to his face as he heard a noise come from one of the bushes, followed by some muttering. Had he been followed?</p>
<p>Kallus hand the staff firmly in his hand once more, right hand hovering over his blaster as he approached the bush from where the sound came from. The former Agent slowly and quietly moved, holding out the staff before quickly parting the bush with it. The white of a Stormtrooper helmet was what first came into view for Kallus, sparking a reaction out of him.</p>
<p>The man's hand went to his blaster, pulling it out quickly of its holster and went to aim it at the imposing target. That was until the weapon was pulled from his grasp, by what he did not know. Before he could even realise what had happened, the foe had begun to speak. </p>
<p>“Woah! Kallus, it’s just us!” The man, no, boy, spoke from under the mask. Kallus’ face turned to one of annoyance as Ezra pushed up the Trooper helmet to reveal his own face. His gaze then went to the droid beside him, Chopper beeping something to the effect of ‘You were too loud’, back to Ezra. Kallus looked to his blaster now in the hands of the young Jedi, not amused by the situation.</p>
<p>“Were you spying on me?” Kallus asked him, frown on his face still. Kallus backed away from the bush, lowering his staff for the boy and droid to come out, he had thought the crew on The Ghost had trusted him now. If Ezra and C1 had been spying on him now, did that mean parts of the crew had been watching him all of the time and just hid it better?</p>
<p>“What? No! Of course not” Ezra replied, though unconvincingly. Chopper beeped a few times to the boy, something Kallus was unable to catch, but resulted in Bridger kicking the droid with his foot. </p>
<p>“Then what were you doing in a bush?” Kallus asked, rather losing his patients. “And wearing that helmet of all things around here?” He continued, pointing to the helmet in Ezra's hand now. Kallus didn't want to think about how he would have reacted to seeing a Stormtrooper around here before Kanan had helped him, or even if his reaction time had been a bit quicker on the trigger. He wasn't sure how he’d explain shooting Bridger to the rest of the crew.</p>
<p>“Well, me and Chopper saw you acting suspicious.” He started. If this was Ezra’s way of explaining himself, it wasn't working. “You were looking around, all fidgety, then just disappeared into the forest.” He said. Ok, maybe Kallus could try and give him the benefit of the doubt. He was sure that if anyone else on the base saw the Imperial defector, looking around paranoid as Hell, it’d raise some suspicion. </p>
<p>“There is no reason for you to be suspicious of me. I’m fine, just wanted to come out here and train in peace.” Kallus explained to the boy. <br/>“You seem to train quite a lot.” Ezra said back to him, folding his arms over his chest like Kanan would do so often. “Isn't that what you and Zeb were arguing about the other day?” He asked, which brought a light blush to Kallus’ cheeks. He was hoping the rest of the crew on The Ghost hadn't heard them, but it seemed like it was hard to have privacy on that small ship. </p>
<p>“We weren't ‘arguing’, we just had a mild disagreement.” Kallus retorted, though ‘mild’ was certainly an understatement. It had hurt to raise his voice to the Lasat, and it had hurt for Zeb to raise his voice in return. In honesty, Kallus had just been frustrated, and he intended to smooth things out with the other once he returned. Ezra didn't seem to believe Kallus when he tried to downplay the situation.</p>
<p>“Why are you training so much anyway?” He asked. “It’s not like you’re going out on any missions right now.” Bridger continued, which annoyed the former Agent. </p>
<p>“Only because I’m not out there now doesn’t mean I won't be soon, and I want to be ready.” Kallus replied. With a huffed sigh, he snatched his blaster out of Ezra’s hand and put it back in its holster. “If you wouldn't mind, I prefer to train alone.” Kallus continued, already heading back to the spot he was once in to carry on.</p>
<p>“If that were true you wouldn’t have asked Zeb to spar with you.” Bridger spoke once again to the Agents annoyance. He didn't need this today, not after his fight with Garazeb, he didn't need the situation to be constantly brought up. “But if you really do want someone to train with, I’ll spar with you.” The young Jedi then offered.</p>
<p>Kallus’ face went from disgruntled to surprised pretty quickly. He’d honestly never considered sparing Ezra, mostly because he hadn’t a clue what to expect from him. He was young, but he was also a force user, not to mention he had been trained by Kanan. Bridger was quite the wildcard. </p>
<p>“You’re serious?” Kallus asked, looking back to the boy now, who nodded in return. Well, this was going to be interesting. The man's hand tightened around the training staff, nodding to Ezra’s lightsaber on his hip. “I’m not sure how much of a challenge a training staff will be to your lightsaber.” Kallus spoke and Ezra smiled before looking around the clearing.</p>
<p>Kallus watched curiously, wondering what he was looking for, till the boy picked up a large stick. It was hefty in weight and probably about the same size of a lightsaber, it’d do nicely. </p>
<p>“Alright, I think that makes us pretty evenly matched in weapons.” Ezra spoke, walking back over to the other man. “Lets see what you’ve got.” The boy continued almost tauntingly. There was an excitement in the pit of Kallus’ stomach, one he hadn’t felt in a long time. This was going to be the first fight he’d had since Thrawn, and the thought of that unnerved him slightly, but he wasn't going to let this opportunity slip. </p>
<p>Kallus took first position and Ezra followed suit, the sparring between the two of them starting with a few excited beeps from Chopper. The sounds of wood clashing together began to fill their small clearing where they fought, and to Kallus’ surprise, Ezra was rather the competent fighter. Both of them traded blows and blocked one another’s attacks, Kallus found himself thinking that Kanan had trained the boy well. </p>
<p>Kallus tried his best to keep up with the young Jedi, Ezra’s height and stature certainly giving him an advantage when it came to movement. Kallus felt adrenaline coursing through his veins, this giving him the biggest physical challenge he’d faced since arriving on base. </p>
<p>For a majority of the fight, things had been fair between the two of them, Kallus putting his ISB training to good use. The battle continued on for a while, both of them getting a good few blows in on the other before Ezra pulled a move Kallus wasn’t expecting. The boy suddenly went low, dropping to the ground. Kallus was confused for a moment, hesitating for what to do, and that gave Ezra the opportunity he needed.</p>
<p>The young Jedi kicked up the dirt from the ground up into the ex-Imperials face, leaving Kallus stunned, and Ezra quickly moved and took out the man's legs. Kallus fell back onto the ground, a groan leaving his mouth as his back and head came into contact with it. It took a few moments for Kallus to even realise what had just happened but then it came to him, he’d been bested by Bridger.</p>
<p>“Not bad for you first spar back.” Ezra spoke from above the man, smirk resting on his face smugly. His own face of surprise and shock quickly turned to one of annoyance once again. Kallus sat up quickly, glaring back to the boy. </p>
<p>“That was hardly fair!” He protested, ignoring the beeping coming from Choppers way since they seemed to side with Ezra. “I thought we were having a clean spar, I didn’t think you were going to fight dirty.” Kallus continued to complain, Bridger only letting out a small chuckle in response before shrugging.</p>
<p>“What can I say, it’s what I’m good at; surprising people.” He said, watching as Kallus got back up to his feet, brushing the dirt off of his clothing with a disgruntled mumble. “Maybe you should take some tips. You may not be a part of the Empire anymore, but you sure fight like you’re still one of them.” Ezra commented. </p>
<p>That had caught Kallus off guard and took him back to what Thrawn had said to him all those months ago. His fighting style was limited to his training, and that’s why he’d ultimately lost, not just to Thrawn, but to Bridger too. The former Agent let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair.</p>
<p>“It’s a habit I’ve been trying to shake.” He admitted to the boy, slowly taking a seat down on one of the nearby logs. “It’s hard to learn a new way of fighting when you’ve been taught your whole life that it’s this way only.” He explained, not sure why he was confiding in Ezra, but did so anyways. The young Jedi approached Kallus now, a thoughtful look on his face. He hadn't been expecting the other man to open up either, but he was willing to hear it out.</p>
<p>“Well, for a start you need to forget about all of that orderly stuff.” Ezra started, staking a seat on the log beside the other man. “You need to be thinking on the fly, not planning out what you’re going to do ten moves in advance. It’s distracting, and being unpredictable can throw your opponent off.” He continued, Kallus now watching Ezra as he spoke, hanging onto his every word.</p>
<p>“Just then, you called what I did dirty.” Bridger said, to which Kallus nodded. “So? There aren’t going to be any rules in a real fight, you might as well get downright dirty, especially if it’s going to help you beat the Empire.” </p>
<p>Ezra’s words made Kallus think, mostly because the Jedi was right. He always had been so caught up with order and perfection, that maybe what he needed was to get a little bit messy. </p>
<p>“I think you may be onto something.” Kallus spoke back to the other, nodding gently. He looked up to the droid as Chopper began beeping once more, chuckling gently to what he said, some unsavory things he’d like to do to a certain Grand Admiral. Ezra grinned as Kallus seemed to agree with him, quickly hopping up to his feet. </p>
<p>“Come on, time for round two.” He said, holding his stick into the starting position once more. Kallus quickly got himself back into the right mentality, remembering what Ezra had told him. Be more relaxed, thinking on the spot, play dirty if you have to. Once more their sparring began, slower than the last time, both of them being slightly more tired after the first round. </p>
<p>Kallus was holding his own against the Jedi, getting in a few good blows as he had the time before, but he could feel himself slipping back into his Imperial routes. Ezra took this opportunity and made a swing at Kallus’ bad leg, the former Agent falling to the ground with a pained cry. He held onto his leg with one hand, the other going into the air in a sign of surrender. </p>
<p>“I yield!” He called, his voice also pained. Ezra’s eyes widened, he hadnt meant to hurt the man, he’d just been so caught up in the spar, he’d forgotten about Kallus’ bad leg. The boy tossed the stick aside and quickly rushed to Kallus’, Chopper releasing some concerned beeps too. </p>
<p>“Karabast” The boy muttered, looking concerned now, more for the fact he wasn't sure how he was going to explain this to the rest of the crew. As soon as Ezra had gotten close enough, a small smirk made its way onto Kallus’ face. He picked up his training staff quickly, springing to life once more and maneuvered in a way so it was Bridger who was knocked to the ground this time, Kallus standing tall above him. </p>
<p>It worked, Kallus almost didn't believe it. It felt disingenuous to not only use his bad leg as a way to trick the boy, but to also falsify a surrender. Kallus in the Empire would have never used such dirty tactics, yet here he was now, a filthy Rebel fighting dirty. Ezra looked up to Kallus, stunned silent for a moment before realising what had happened, then a wide smile came to his face. </p>
<p>“You're a fast learner.” Ezra commented. Kallus nodded, offering his hand for the Jedi to take. The boy did so, getting back up to his feet and dusted himself off. He was happy that Ezra seemed to take the fall a lot more graciously than he had, perhaps the boy wasn't so bad after all. </p>
<p>Kallus found himself chuckling as Chopper let out a few amused beeps at the former Agent’s whole act. “It didn't come easy to me, but I’m sure with time I’ll be able to loosen up my style a lot more.” Kallus spoke, Ezra seemingly happy with that answer nodded. It had actually been nice training with the Jedi, and considering he’d never actually thought of doing so before, it went surprisingly well. </p>
<p>“Thank you, for sparring with me.” Kallus said to Ezra, the boy taken aback by the thanks. “I’m sure I haven't been the most approachable person on the base because of where I’ve come from and the things I’ve done, but I’ve appreciated your time today.” Ezra smiled more in response, not expecting that from the other man. </p>
<p>“That’s alright, Kallus.” He said softly. “You went through a lot because you helped us. Even after then, you’ve come back here and still want to help. I can see how much you’ve changed, even if you do still fight like an Imperial.” Ezra said teasingly with a smirk. Kallus found himself rolling his eyes at the last comment, but there was no malicious intent behind the act at all, and a smile broke out onto his face.</p>
<p>“Alright. Well, I think I’m done with training for the day.” Kallus said, shrugging on his jacket and then moving to pack up his things. “Time to figure out what I’m going to say to Garazeb when they get back from their mission.” He continued, clearly worried about how he’d left things with his friend. </p>
<p>Ezra smiled knowingly, patting Kallus on the back as they began to walk. “I wouldn't think too hard about it. Zeb clearly likes and cares about you, that’s the whole reason he wouldn't spar with you in the first place.” The Jedi said to him. Kallus felt his cheeks blush slightly when it was said that Zeb cared about him. ‘As friends, of course.’ He told himself in his head. </p>
<p>“I am more than capable of sparring at this stage, as I’ve just proven.” Kallus retorted. “I am not weak, as Garazeb believed I was.” He said, Ezra raising his eyebrows at the other man. </p>
<p>“Really? Because I don't remember Zeb calling you weak in that argument.” Ezra pointed out which made Kallus look away. Zeb may not have said it, but it was definitely what he was thinking, or at least that’s what Kallus thought. “He was just worried he’d hurt you, Kal. He was the one who found you, remember? Zeb saw you at your worst, has seen how far you’ve come now, and doesn't want to stop your progress.” </p>
<p>Hearing all of that made Kallus see the situation in a new prospective. Perhaps he’d been projecting when he believed Zeb saw him as weak. In fact, he was scared the rest of the crew saw him as just that, as someone who was fragile and needed protecting. He was silent for a few moments after Ezra had stopped talking, considering his words before nodding. “Perhaps you are right.” Kallus finally said, Ezra patting him on the back once more. </p>
<p>“I usually am.” He replied with a grin. Kallus was sure that wasn't correct, and would assume the rest of The Ghost crew would agree with him in that regard. As they came to the edge of the clearing once more, Kallus could see that The Ghost had already landed, they were back early. The Agent felt nerves rise in him, which made him hesitate slightly. </p>
<p>“It’ll be fine. You've got this.” Ezra encouraged the other man before heading off to Kanan and Hera who were stepping off the ramp to the ship. Kallus looked down to Chopper still by his side, the droid tapping his leg with one of its metallic arms. He beeped a few times, it translated to ‘good luck’. He smiled back to the droid, nodding gently, and then just as Ezra had moments ago, the droid went toward the ship too. </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>When Kallus had approached the ship, both Kanan and Hera had greeted him with a smile. He’d asked how the mission had gone, mostly out of politeness as he was anxious to talk to the Lasat. It had gone well which was good, perhaps Zeb would be in a good mood because of it. Almost like he’d read his mind, Kanan had told him that Zeb was in their room just finishing something off. </p>
<p>Kallus had made his way onto the ship, his nerves kicking up higher now. Why was he so damn nervous? He was just smoothing things over with his friend, there was nothing more to it. As he came to their cabin, Kallus stopped at the door then hesitantly knocked. He felt stupid knocking at the door of his own room, but the last thing he wanted was for Zeb to be upset if he was interruping him unannounced. </p>
<p>He didn't get an answer from behind the door, instead the door slid open, the tall Lasat standing there. Both of them seemed as surprised as the other, but Zeb was the one to speak first.</p>
<p>“Uh, Kal, this is your room too, you don't have to knock.” He spoke, Kallus now feeling stupid for knocking in the first place. He nodded gently, clearing his throat before finally meeting the others eyes. </p>
<p>“Can we talk, please?” Kallus asked, voice calm. His voice may have been calm, but that’s certainly not how he was feeling right now. Zeb seemingly anticipated this and nodded at the question, stepping aside to allow the man into their room. Kallus slowly walked inside, letting out a deep breath as the door closed behind him. </p>
<p>“I would like to start off by apologising for the disagreement we had before you left.” Kallus started, professional as ever. His eyes remained on the Lasat, wanting the other to know he was genuine. “I understand now that you weren't saying no to sparring with me because you think that I’m weak or fragile, which is why I was originally so frustrated.” He explained. Zeb listened with a neutral face, waiting for Kallus to stop talking before doing so himself. </p>
<p>“You don't have to apologise, I get your frustrations. You have been through a lot and you're desperate to get back to the position you were once in.” He spoke. “I’m sorry for saying you weren't ready, I’m the one who wasn't ready.” Zeb admitted. Kallus watched as Zeb took a seat on the edge of his bed, acting on instinct, the former Agent did the same, sitting beside the Lasat now.</p>
<p>“You were right in thinking that I am desperate to get back to the way I was health wise.” Kallus spoke slowly. “I don't want to let what Thrawn and The Empire did to me loom over me anymore, that’s why I’m desperate to move on.” He explained. It wasn't only that, of course. He wanted to get better so he’d be able to go out on missions once more, he severely missed the action. </p>
<p>Zeb nodded at that, seemingly knowing where the man was coming from. “Give me some time, let me warm up to the idea of sparring with you first before just jumping into it, how does that sound?” The Lasat asked, to which Kallus smiled warmly. </p>
<p>“I think that sounds agreeable.” he said, happy with how this conversation had gone. Ezra had been right, he shouldn't have worried so much. Zeb was a good man, a far better one than himself, he still wondered today how the Lasat had managed to become such good friends with him, especially after everything he’d done. </p>
<p>“But when we spar, it won't be with anything other than bo-rifles.” Zeb continued, bringing a confused frown to Kallus’ face. He’d told Zeb that his rifle was still on Thrawn’s ship, most likely with the rest of the Grand Admirals collection in his office by now. He watched as the Lasat got up to his feet, grabbing something from the top bunk.</p>
<p>A look of shock came to his face as he saw the weapon in the others hands; it was his bo-rifle, the exact one he’d left behind.</p>
<p>“Garazeb, h-how?” Kallus asked, the Lasat handing over the rifle to the other man. He took it gently, inspecting over the weapon, it did not look like it had been used since he’d left. A genuine smile came to the former Agents face, eyes looking back to Zeb now. </p>
<p>“Let’s just say, we came into contact with some of Thrawn’s posessons, and I couldn't just leave that behind.” Zeb explained. It made him slightly nervous knowing that some of the crew had been so close to Thrawn again. He’d never wish onto any of them what he’d been through in the Grand Admirals custody. </p>
<p>“Thank you.” The Agent spoke, voice raw with emotion. Kallus did think of himself as an emotional man, but this had meant a lot to him. “Having this back here now, I feel like I am slowly becoming more whole.” He admitted. Before this, Kallus had felt he’d come a long way, each day he felt more and more like the man he should be, but something had always been missing, perhaps this was the key. </p>
<p>“That's good to hear, Kal.” Zeb said with a satisfied smile. </p>
<p>“Alexsandr.” Kallus spoke up in response, confusion coming to the Lasat’s face for a moment. “Alexsandr is my first name. I haven't told anyone in the crew that yet, but I feel as though you should know. You may call me that if you wish.” He suggested, still holding the rifle close. He also assumed that both Hera and Kanan knew of his first time too, but neither used it, not yet. Kanan had been in his mind, and Hera had been a witness at his hearing, where his first name was used many times. </p>
<p>“Alexsandr.” Zeb tested out, nodding gently. “Nice name. I’ve noticed you call me ‘Garazeb’ a lot, you’re allowed to just call me ‘Zeb’, you know.” He said, Kallus smiling in response. He nodded also, knowing the reason he kept calling the other by his full name was down to his Imperial ways that he couldn't shake. It was the same reason he’d kept calling Hera ‘Captain’ for a long time, or the way he still referred to Ezra as ‘Bridger’. </p>
<p>“Noted, Zeb.” Kallus responded with a wider smile now. “Thank you, for everything. For the kindness you’ve shown me, not just now, but when we were on that moon.” Zeb sat back down next to Kallus as he spoke, placing a gentle hand on his back. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to thank me for that, it was nice actually being able to see the real you.” Zeb countered. “It may have taken a bit of prying, but underneath that Imperial shell, there was a good man.” Kallus felt a warmth in his chest as the Lasat spoke, happy that this was this way that Zeb now saw him. </p>
<p>A good man, that was all he wanted to be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The next chapter is going to be the ending guys, a short but sweet one.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Victory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After a large victory for the Rebellion, Kallus and Zeb finally get something off of their chests.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a short but sweet ending guys, but I hope you like it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kallus should have known things were going too well for them to stay like that for long. He’d eagerly been waiting for the Ghost crew to return to tell them the good news; he’d been cleared for field duty. When the ship landed he had a wide smile on his face, though it quickly faded once the crew started to walk off of the ship. </p>
<p>Their faces were broken, stained with tears, and Kallus could tell something had gone horribly wrong. He watched as they walked out one by one, noticing Zeb exit after Sabine, Hera, Ezra and Chopper. The former Agent frowned, not seeing Kanan. He approached the Lasat, looking up to him with worry. </p>
<p>“Zeb, what happened?” Kallus asked, voice deadly serious now. He studied the others' eyes, they seemed almost empty. </p>
<p>“Kanan. He’s gone.” </p>
<p>Those words made Kallus’ breath catch in his throat. No, how could this have possibly happened? Kanan, he was the strongest out of all of them. A man who had been so kind to him, had helped him overcome his fears and anxieties, had always made sure he had a place in the Rebellion. He was gone.</p>
<p>Kallus took a while to process this information. If it hurt this much for him, he couldn't imagine how the rest of the crew felt, how Hera felt, how Zeb felt. He looked back to the Lasat before pulling him into a comforting hug, knowing he probably needed it right now. Not even a moment later did Kallus feel the recuperation of Zebs arms around him too. </p>
<p>It was unspoken, but their comfort of one another in that moment meant a lot to both of them. Kallus had grown very close to Zeb, closer than he’d like to admit, but in this moment he was a friend, a shoulder to cry on if he needed to be. </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It had been for Kanan, and now for Ezra. The victory on Lothal, it had been for the both of them, and for every single citizen of that planet. Kallus couldn’t believe what he’d witnessed that day, the Purrgil, Ezra Bridger, his sacrifice. It wasn't in vain, they had won because of him. </p>
<p>They celebrated, though an obvious heaviness surrounded the Ghost crew after their loss. Losing both Kanan and Ezra in such a short space of time was hard, especially on Hera. After the initial cheering, drinking, partying was over, what was left of their crew returned back to the Ghost. </p>
<p>Kallus would admit, he was slightly tipsy. He leaned heavily against the Lasat as the two of them hung back from the rest of the group, slowly walking together. The night was certainly cooler than the day, and Alex was thankful for that.</p>
<p>“I bet you never thought you’d be a part of a Rebel victory like that?” The deep voice spoke from beside him, a wide smile coming to the former Agents face. </p>
<p>“I certainly didn't.” He replied, words only slurred slightly. “But it’s quickly becoming my most favourite victory.” Kallus spoke fondly. Zeb smiled more at that, large arm wrapping around the other almost protectively. </p>
<p>As they got back to the ship, the rest of the crew retired to their cabins, everyone exchanging ‘goodnights’ before leaving. Zeb led Kallus back into their room, the door closing behind the two of them. With an exhausted grunt, Kallus fell back onto the Lasat’s bed, unable to summon the energy to pull himself up onto his own bunk. </p>
<p>“Need some help?” Zeb asked with a small smirk. Kallus raised his head then, a slightly out of it smile coming to his face as he nodded. The Lasat slowly approached the man, bending down to wrap his hands around Kallus waist. He slowly sat up, his face merely inches away from Zebs now. Alex could feel his heart beat in his ears, a blush coming to his cheeks. </p>
<p>He knew what his heart was telling him to do in that moment, the same thing it had been telling him to do for weeks; tell Zeb how you really feel before it’s too late. </p>
<p>Before Kallus could even sum up the courage to act on his feelings himself, he felt the Lasat’s mouth on his. Both he and Zeb had both had a bit to drink tonight, but he could tell in that moment, it wasn't alcohol that had caused this. Kallus didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around the other, returning the passionate kiss, one he wished would have happened far sooner. </p>
<p>Alex felt all the tension in his body release, this was the happiest he’d been in a long time. Too soon for Kallus’ liking, Zeb pulled away, looking down into the Human’s eyes. </p>
<p>“Is this what you want, Alex?” The other’s low voice asked quietly. Kallus’ had been unsure about many things in his life, but this was not one of them. For the first time in a long time Kallus was sure he was exactly where he was meant to be, and he had hope. Hope they’d win this war, and hope there was a life for him after this, with a certain Lasat.</p>
<p>Kallus smiled warmly, nodding his head firmly before kissing Garazeb once more.</p>
<p>“Absolutely.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I would like to thank everyone who read this. I know I'm not the best writer, but I enjoyed creating this and I hope others have managed to get some enjoyment out of it too.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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